Elizabeth Droppers

I'm a therapist who writes contemporary fiction about neurodivergence, entrepreneurship, friendship, marriage, and motherhood.

Words on pages, read or written, are one of my greatest, most reliable sources of joy and connection. I read because I love reading, and I write for much the same reason. So much of being a therapist is holding space for others. Writing is a practice of holding space for myself, and I hope, when publishing comes, it will draw the inward connection outward, allowing me to offer the best of myself to readers as I’ve received the best from authors I love.

Writing

About

In 2025, I hope to:

🕑 Slow down – I have a gut sense that I need to read less, which might sound like blasphemy, but this year, I want to aim for depth over quantity, being selective about my reads and trying to digest the inner workings of each novel.

🌳 Seek support – After much hemming and hawing and years of querying without securing an agent, I’ve decided to bring a developmental editor onto my team for a manuscript consultation in March. I’m sure I’ll have more to share as this unfolds!

⛰️ Stay the course – Keep writing. Keep reading. Keep engaging with other writers. Take risks. Query. Rest. Success means showing up.

My 2024 writing intentions were to keep track of the books I read, keep going, and keep posting. I miraculously managed to track books consumed (see my 2024 READS highlight), kept writing (moving on from THE HOUSE WIFE to HAZEL DAVIES’ GOOD GOODBYE), and kept posting (albeit sporadically).

It’s probably no surprise that as a therapist I’m a sucker for holidays that prompt self reflection. 😂 What are your writing aspirations for the next year?

#amreading #amwriting #writer #2025 #newyeargoals

2024 had its challenges, but coffee wasn’t one of them.

Here’s to celebrating the ✨goodness✨ of the past year!
☕ Drinking cortados.
😴 Realizing decaf isn’t that bad (❔) and sleeping better is fantastic.
📝 Completing a draft of HAZEL DAVIES’ GOOD GOODBYE.
📚 Reading excellent books.
🌱 Being the front row witness to a lovely, silly, and creative child turning three and starting pre-school.
🆘 Learning to ask for help and @jackdroppers so consistently, graciously, and without reserve saying yes.
🤓 Improving my desk ergonomics.

#amreading #amwriting #coffee #chemex #writer #newyear #reflection

A couple years ago, in a dark-night-of-the-soul moment, I realized my understanding of narrative structure was lacking. I didn’t know how to craft a satisfying plot. This might be hard to believe. I have an MFA. I’ve read thousands of books. By that point, I’d turned out hundreds of pages, but the evidence was in the writing itself. My stories just weren’t working. I’d latched full heartedly onto pantsing (writer speak for writing by the seat of your pants), and the practice wasn’t serving me.

The good thing is that amazing resources on crafting narrative structure and character arcs exist.

I read (and reread) both STORY GENIUS by Lisa Cron and SAVE THE CAT! WRITES A NOVEL by @jessicabrody while drafting HAZEL DAVIES’ GOOD GOODBYE.

A recent post by @cece_lyra_agent dug into the difference between storytelling and writing at a line level. How it’s important to know which is your strength as a writer. I’m team line level for sure and need to keep building my storytelling muscles.

If any fellow writers have other resources you’d recommend, let me know! Also, commiseration is always welcome. Why is writing so hard? 😅 and is that what makes it fun? 🧐

Disclaimer: Save the Cat! Writes a Novel is an excellent resource, but I wish they’d publish an updated edition with references/examples that reflect our evolving collective conscience and less isms.

📷: @jess_brinks beautiful library with a real rolling ladder & Laura “Fire Inspector” Hobson lol

#amreading #amwriting #writer

As a writer, I’ve spent the last six years searching for my voice, not intellectually but through process. I attempted: a YA portal fantasy, a crossover monster-among-us fantasy, a MG portal fantasy, and a speculative adult novel. All multi POV (ranging from 2-4 POVs).

HAZEL DAVIES’ GOOD GOODBYE is single POV, cozy contemporary adult fiction. Night and day different.

I’m still not totally confident I found my voice or niche as a writer (will I ever be?), but it was a delight to spend time in a sunny, caffeine-infused creative headspace. I wouldn’t mind doing it again.

#amreading #amwriting #writer

My comps request for HAZEL DAVIES’ GOOD GOODBYE was recently featured in the November @the_shit_about_writing comp segment, and the ever fabulous @emiliegsommer recommended FLYING SOLO by @lindaholmes97 . What a fantastic book and accurate comparative title for my novel! If you’re needing support finding comps, I can’t recommend TSNOTYAW more. Not an ad. With so many books coming out every day, the podcast’s comp segment has truly been a gift.

In more ways than one.

Writing about getting comps for my latest novel is reminding me of the first time I submitted a comps request to TSNOTYAW years ago. Back then, I was querying a YA novel. The podcast allows listeners to submit a minute-long audio recording describing their book. My first red flag was how hard it was to keep my description under a minute. I spoke at warp speed to jam in all the relevant info. When Emilie’s recommendations came through, I read every title. The novels were lovely but not really in the ballpark of what I’d written. Which helped me realize that maybe my book wasn’t a fit for the current publishing market. I’d been experiencing crickets with querying, so a lot of other factors fed into this aha moment. But the comps segment was definitely part of my breakthrough. Clarity is a gift in and of itself.

#amreading #amwriting #writer

After writing THE HOUSE WIFE (a bleak tale about a chronically ill woman literally becoming her house during early motherhood, ahem, a little close to home), I was in a bit of a slump. Emotionally, creatively. All the —lys that matter.

As life support, I devoured TOMORROW, AND TOMORROW, AND TOMORROW, then went on to read part of @gabriellezevin ‘s backlist (a practice I recommend for encouragement; watching authors expand their capacities feels like evidence mine can grow too). The cozy bookstore setting of THE STORIED LIFE OF A.J. FIKRY was like a portal into a better world. I lay on my couch excited to hop on a ferry to go browse books.

Thus the mantra for my next book was born: Write something charming that makes you want to stay a while.

HAZEL DAVIES’ GOOD GOODBYE took more than a while to reach a full draft, but spending time in a cozy coffee shop making lattes was the shot of joy my brain needed.

#amreading #amwriting #writer

My latest book is set in a coffee shop, taking me back to my barista days. I never thought I’d join the decaf club. ☕️ But any coffee is better than no coffee & I’m decidedly sleeping better at night so that’s something to celebrate.

HAZEL DAVIES’ GOOD GOODBYE is going through a round of revisions before I send it to beta readers 🙈 always exciting and nerve-racking.

I’m also contemplating working with a developmental editor, so if any writer friends have an editor to recommend, I’d appreciate leads!

#amwriting #betareaders #coffee #coffeeshop #writer

I’ve been in a season of grieving my body’s limits—with movement, digestion, fatigue, & pain—believing that grief is a natural emotional process that’ll work itself through to whatever resolution exists on the other side.

Last week I did a Level 3 Internal Family Systems (IFS) training and learned more about legacy and cultural burdens, beliefs and energies we take on from our family as well as society at large. Cultural burdens include all the big isms. Legacy burdens are often connected to specific strategies for staying safe (for example “never speak up”) that fit somewhere along the family tree but no longer serve the individual.

As we got into the weeds, the trainer highlighted that grief can’t be unburdened (an IFS process for releasing negative beliefs/emotions). Grief has to be felt, honored, and walked through.

At the end of the day, I’m grateful for my quiet life, for walks around the neighborhood when there’s a break in the rain, for the companionship of Jack & Naomi. But parts of me are also incredibly sad not to be able to get things down from top shelves, eat my favorite foods, or pick up my daughter. Both/And all the way through. I’m learning to be gentler with myself, to be kind to this body I call home, lean into adaptation, and ask for help.

#amwriting #grief #ifs #internalfamilysystems #writer

I got to be Frankenstein’s monster last night!! I keep seeing Mary Shelley related books and feel like she’s having a moment in the zeitgeist, as is well deserved.

After reading Frankenstein earlier in the year, I read Reproduction by Louisa Hall, which includes information on Shelley’s life. Situating Frankenstein—written in the wake of the premature birth & death of Shelley’s firstborn—turned the monster tale on its head.

Thanks @phabiesband for throwing the type of Halloween party where I can trust with complete confidence there’s no such thing as too much face paint!

Some favorite Frankenstein quotes:

“There is love in me the likes of which you’ve never seen. There is rage in me the likes of which should never escape. If I am not satisfied in the one, I will indulge the other.”

“If the study to which you apply yourself has a tendency to weaken your affections and to destroy your taste for those simple pleasures in which no alloy can possibly mix, then that study is certainly unlawful, that is to say, not befitting the human mind.” ⬅️⬅️⬅️ lol Do any other writers relate to Victor’s state of obsession? Losing track of all else—including basic physical needs—while creating his manuscript, I mean monster?

#amwriting #amreading #frankenstein #halloween #writer

Today marks the end of a first draft. Working title: Hazel Davies’ Good Goodbye. I’m sort of thrilled to say I’m not thrilled. In the past, completing a draft stirred up a lot of urgency. I had to get the manuscript to beta readers and research agents, needed to squeeze in a speed revision and blast out queries. All ASAP. But after said method failed on more occasions than I care to admit, I’ve come to realize completing a draft isn’t “the thing.” A draft is a nice heap of sentences that might one day be coaxed into a reader-ready novel.

So I’m channeling tortoise over hare but still not opposed to celebrating 🥳🥳🥳

📷: fall vibes courtesy of Saugatuck 2016

#amwriting #wip #writer

@outsidecoffeeco has held a special spot in our little trio’s life. A place push a stroller to on slow Saturdays. A place to watch our friends play music. With just enough gravel to entertain a one-year-old for ten minutes and a plethora of plants to marvel in throughout the seasons. Like watching their gardens burst into bloom every spring only for flowers to become fruits and leaves to drop in the fall, we say goodbye with gratitude, knowing this special place lives on inside of us and trusting Outside Coffee’s endeavors in Douglas will thrive.

Goodbyes—endings—can be bittersweet. At least this one included a cortado and donuts.

See you in Douglas ☕️✨💖

#outsidecoffeeco #cortado #amwriting

I’m gifting myself the word “content” for my birthday. Thirty-five is for soaking in the goodness of the present. The laughter of a three-year-old and the sleepy companionship of old dogs. Green leaves turning red and the world dropping into the stillness of winter. So much of my life has been in pursuit—of degrees, certifications, building a therapy practice, learning to write novels—and I’m grateful for where that drive has taken me. But I’m also tired. And so in love with my little slice of life I don’t want to miss today striving for tomorrow.

So content is the word I’m raising my mug of rooibos to this year. A word to contemplate, disregard, and come home to again.

📸: cortado, 🌻🌻🌻, 🚨NEW SONG🚨, 🍦🍦🍦

#birthday #amwriting #writer

First kiss of fall in Grand Rapids & Naomi puddle jumping. I’m glad one of her parents doesn’t think twice about soaking sneakers. I’ll let you guess who. 😅

I’m over here wondering what it means if every writing session I have to google around for a word I want (for example, exude) using the semi-tangential word I’m thinking of (in this case, effusive) but know is wrong. My brain also offered up indistinguishable and the internet eventually helped me find unmistakable, the two of which are more distinguishable than not.

I’ve always resonated with the Ann Patchett quote about being a compost heap, but these days it feels like my mind is taking decomposing to a new level.

“You will take bits from books you’ve read and movies you’ve seen and conversations you’ve had and stories friends have told you, and half the time you won’t even realize you’re doing it. I am a compost heap, and everything I interact with, every experience I’ve had, gets shoveled onto the heap where it eventually mulches down, is digested and excreted by worms, and rots. It’s from that rich, dark humus, the combination of what you encountered, what you know and what you’ve forgotten, that ideas start to grow.” – Ann Patchett

#amreading #amwriting #amquerying #amwalking

No better way to end the summer than visiting Mullett Lake and celebrating @gma.ann.burks ‘s 8️⃣9️⃣th birthday 🥳 @jackdroppers went back to work Monday. Naomi and I are missing him, but I’m mostly incredibly grateful that his job (in events at a college) grants him two months at home in the summer and that the flexibility of his presence allowed for umpteen physical therapy appoints (yes, my life is thrilling!). Childcare is mom care.

All the travel and gathering of summer was lifegiving, but my bookish soul is looking forward to settling back into the quiet rhythms of being home and writing. My goal for the fall: complete a draft of Hazel Davies’ Good Goodbye & share it with beta readers. We’ll see how it goes!

#amwriting #amquerying #writer #writing

I’m finding a thousand gems in A SWIM IN A POND IN THE RAIN. Having the chance to “audit” George Saunders’ class on Russian short stories and glean his insights feels like a gift. Is a gift.

“A work of art moves us by being honest and that honesty is apparent in its language and its form and in its resistance to concealment.”

“[...] Stuart Cornfeld once told me that in a good screenplay, every structural unit needs to do two things: (1) be entertaining in its own right and (2) advance the story in a non-trivial way.”

“A story is not like real life; it’s like a table with just a few things on it. The “meaning” of the table is made by the choice of things and their relation to one another [...] That’s really all a story is: a limited set of elements that we read against one another.”

I don’t know if I’m allowed to admit I’ve never read Chekov before. I’ve read about him. Heard professors laud him. But never actually read his work (as an adult at least?). Until now. And having Saunders as a guide to track and unpack what Chekov was doing made IN THE CART all the more meaningful.

Sunset courtesy of Lake Michigan. The light reflecting off the strip of wet sand gets me every time ✨✨✨

#amreading #amwriting #writer #writing

I got some fresh eyes on THE HOUSE WIFE thanks to the Beta Reader Match Up facilitated by @biancamarais_author from @the_shit_about_writing The insightful comments from readers have prompted a new round of editing. Revising the opening pages feels like taking another spin on the merry-go-round. I’ve heard writers say a book is never done. Because writers keep changing and growing, their books can change and grow alongside them indefinitely. At some point, they have to call it, stop editing, and move on. I’m not there yet with THE HOUSE WIFE, so here goes more revisions!

We made a friend in the woods today 🦌 Also, LOVE the moody clouds, though it certainly rained haha

#amwriting #amquerying #writer #writing

Drafting HAZEL DAVIES’ GOOD GOODBYE has me reminiscing about my barista days in grad school. I loved pulling shots and steaming milk, making something tangible while so much of life was tied up in the abstract pursuit of learning about therapy through books and lectures, not yet sitting across from clients.

Nothing beats a cortado, in my opinion. The crema. The 1:1 ratio of milk and espresso. Also, @madcapcoffee ‘s consistency is a work of art, how they manage to make every cortado a good cortado.

If anyone has recs for novels set in coffee shops, I’m on the lookout. LEGENDS & LATTES [MG Fantasy] is as delightful as the reviews had me anticipating but is a bit of a stretch as a comp for contemporary adult fiction.

#amwriting #amreading #amquerying #writer #writing

“Don’t assume [traditional publishing] is closed to you,” Emily St. John Mandel’s words of wisdom for writers hoping to one day be published. Also, “Be at peace with rejection.” Which resonates this week on the heels of a full request leading to a kind no. One of the best parts about receiving personalized rejections from agents is getting actionable feedback, but I found myself googling “what is voice?” and “what does it mean if an agent says the voice didn’t quite land for them?” From my best understanding, it means they aren’t the right champion for the manuscript (but if any writer friends have more insight into this feedback, I’m all ears!) 😅

Thanks @grandrapidspubliclibrary for hosting an Author Talk with @emilystjohnmandel and to @merylwilsner for their interviewing skills.

#amwriting #amquerying #writer #writing

Writers & Lovers has been top of mind as a comp for my #wip HAZEL DAVIES’ GOOD GOODBYE, so I reread it, opting for a physical book instead of audio this time. The prose are silky smooth. The transitions flow. The novel is deeply grounded in character and place. Chapters end with hooks and I kept wanting to turn the page.

Reading at my writing desk, marked up pages of my WIP in the background, I felt all sorts of envy. Why is what seems so natural and easy for @lilykingbooks so incredibly difficult for me? And I know the answers, of course. It was anything but easy, good writing is hard work, comparing does no good.

But reframing emotions out of existence doesn’t work well for me and no longer strikes me as super healthy these days. Instead, getting curious seems to open interesting pathways to deeper self-understanding, regulation, and growth.

When clients speak for envy, I love on those parts. Envy is a compass, communicating what parts want, and I have a whole swath of parts who want to break into traditional publishing, so it makes sense that energy would flare like a blinking arrow saying, “This way!” and that those parts would evaluate me against writers who have already reached the goal. Comps are literally comparisons that help explain to agents (editors, readers) where a story fits in the current market.

In Writers & Lovers, the protagonist compares female and male author photos, which prompted me to flip to book flap to see Lily King. And suddenly she was a person to me, not the god who conjured the book in my hands.

The edge dropped from my envy and desire shone through. Desire to walk in the footsteps of the women who have come before me. Belief that at 34 I have not surpassed my publication expiration date. Hope for good things yet to come. And enjoyment, because, truly Writers & Lovers is wonderful and worth a read!

#amwriting #amquerying #writer #writing

Our trio visited @mcleanandeakin bookseller in Petoskey based off a @parnassusbooks recommendation. I wanted to buy every book in the store but managed to walk away with only five 📚📚📚 A certain 3yo browsed for an hour before she started growling to go. Overall pretty fantastic time.
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Petosky State Park
#pondhillfarm

While pitching THE HOUSE WIFE [struggling with depression and chronic pain, a new mother morphs into her house—her head becoming the roof, her feet the foundation—and must face the internal forces that led to merging in order to come home], I’ve had a few agents say the market is oversaturated with books on motherhood. I can’t help but imagine the glut of Netflix shows and novels that would dig into the specificity of reproduction & childrearing if men were the ones consumed body, mind, and soul by ushering new humans into the world. Given the range of experiences women have with motherhood, let’s claim the topic a fathomless creative well that will never run dry.

THE HOUSE WIFE might not be my debut, but I hope it gets a chance to be in the world someday. 👩‍🍼

We frequent Saugatuck Dunes State Park for special occasions, mainly birthdays and now Mother’s Day, too. Walking through the woods, it was sweet to reminisce about times Naomi has visited this trail, including a maternity photoshoot while “swimming circles in your tummy.”

#amquerying #amwriting #motherhood #mothersday

The past few years I’ve been falling in love with spring and the month of May. In particular, the light green of new leaves. Afternoon sunlight illuminating the canopy. Maybe it’s motherhood, being in my thirties, leveling with chronic illness, or simply being a human—probably all the above—but the sense of old seasons falling away and new growth within, greeting a new version of myself, creates a flicker of recognition with the translucent green leaves, a sense of reflection and belonging in the wider, natural world. Alongside loss new life continues to spring.

#amwriting #writer #writing

The next novel on my chopping block has a subplot exploring the horrors of leasing commercial spaces.

Last Tuesday, my work office smelled a little musty. I’ve only been in this space since October, so I dismissed the smell as spring in the new building. On Thursday the mustiness was overpowering. But the office looked fine. I checked the windows. Everything was all right. I wondered if my plants were being overwatered and if root rot had a smell.

Only after talking through the issue with a colleague did I press my hands into the carpet along the walls, not trusting sight alone. Lo and behold, one corner was wet.

I’m very happy to say the landlord of our current space promptly responded to texts and is solving the issue, but our experience in a previous office was another story. Mice the first fall. An unending stream of spiders in winter. No heat in one office for an entire year. A hole in the seal of a ground level window that a colleague literally caulked. Endless emails, phone calls, and texts unanswered or given inadequate response. In our final stretch with the old office, it flooded. Not damp to the touch, can’t quite see it flooded but squelchy footsteps, warped floor boards flooded.

The novel doesn’t include flooding (yet?!) but centers around the power dynamics between lessor and lessee.

#amwriting #writer #writing

Independent Bookstore Day ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 We love you, @booksandmortar

#amreading #amwriting #independentbookstore #indiebookstoreday

I feel about TOM LAKE the way Ann Patchett depicts New Hampshire residents feeling about OUR TOWN. Seen. Valued. Though I’ve never lived on a cherry farm, lush is the perfect word to describe our backyard in summer. Plus, Meryl Streep reads the audiobook 💕 so I may have listened to it twice.

Banter between Patchett and @kevinwilsonauthor , writer of NOTHING TO SEE HERE (would recommend!), enveloped the evening in heartfelt friendship.

Thanks @kentdistrictlibrary for bringing them and @readwithkatelyn for the picture

#amreading #amwriting #annpatchett

I sent the House Wife into the query trenches a couple weeks ago. While nearing the end of the manuscript, I jotted a list of hopes to live into after the draft. Daily walks and physical therapy. Buying EMDR tappers for personal use. Sending a fan letter to @katherinemay_ 🥰 because who wouldn’t want to do that? At times writing becomes consuming in a not-cute, gives-me-sciatica way, and this list was a plea to my future self to take a break and go for a walk.

I’ve recently read a lot of health related audiobooks. Of the titles, Burnout by @enagoski might be my favorite because it centers women and participates in dismantling the reign of the BMI (though Outlive is in-depth and fascinating, and Calm Your Mind with Food illuminates the complexity and connection of gut and mental health).

My major takeaways aren’t surprising: exercise and eat more whole 🥦🍓🥬🍇🫑 The Standard American Diet is SAD. The version of exercise recommended is low level cardio, something that shortens breath but isn’t a complete struggle. Hence walks being at the top of my list.

At some point in life, I picked up the belief that exercising isn’t cool, that it’s dweeby to try so hard and be self-disciplined, but as I start another round of physical therapy specifically geared toward hypermobility, the tulips are coming into bloom and getting outside for a walk is working out just fine.

#writer #writing #amreading #amquerying

This draft of THE HOUSE WIFE is my first manuscript to bypass 80,000 words. 86,000 to be exact. As a chronic underwriter, I can’t say I’m not pleased 🥳

I’m finding the magic of editing a hard copy includes:

✨ Words on a screen transforming into pages held in hand. I made a THING.

✨ Feeling more like a reader than the writer of the MS and having greater clarity about edits

✨ Getting to use cool, colorful pens

We’re in FL for the week, so I’m also loving the portability of writing. Anywhere, anytime.

#writer #writing #revision #editing

When I read REFUSE TO BE DONE, I balked at the revision process described within. @mdbell79 recommends literally re-writing every sentence of a manuscript instead of editing the already typed document, or copy pasting sections into a new document. Every cell in my body said no. But I was also really struggling with revision, so I filed the idea away under Unappealing Revision Advice.

While working on a rewrite for an agent this summer, I ignored Bell’s input and diligently plugged away at revising a pre-existing document. The rewrite felt like trying to run a hairbrush through snarled knots. The sentences were confused and sticking, the snags constant.

After the first agent passed and another R&R came in, the latest feedback included comments on restructuring the novel. The feedback aligned with and tied together beta reader comments, so the changes felt like a step in the right direction.

My initial reaction to the second R&R was no way. Not to the feedback itself, but to the general task of diving back into and rewriting a book I’d already rewritten multiple times.

Ever level headed, Jack encouraged me to consider doing the revision. Of my many querying forays, this manuscript was getting the most positive traction, and the agent read the entire document, clearly putting a lot of time and care into providing feedback.

I gave myself a weekend to luxuriate in saying no, and I walked around in the contentment of refraining to jump in. Look at me. I can hold my horses. Then Monday came, and I printed the editorial notes, highlighted and marked them, taped a list of the main comments to the wall by my desk, and bought Scrivener.

Plugging my nose, I decided to try—just try—retyping the manuscript while revising, so I printed the whole 250 pages and began.

As I’m coming toward the end of the revision I can say the following:

Retyping the book felt like disassembling one robot to build another. The pieces are the same, but the robots are different. Version 2.0 vs 1.1.

Bell was right about it being painful to retype bad sentences. Copy pasting might be quicker, but retyping made me weigh each word.

#amquerying #amwriting #revision #writer #writing

The sweet babe in my arms is somehow turning ✨three✨ this week. The past three years have been a crucible of sorts, not just because motherhood is hard (it is!) but because of Covid, isolation, chronic pain, a slew of doctor appointments, and countless hours of physical therapy. But it’s also been the sweetest time of my life. Deeply formative and generative. Everyday I get to soak in the big love of a little child, and my heart is full to bursting.

In graduate school, I remember a professor talking about how people come to know themselves through long term relationship. Closeness to another differentiates where we stop and they begin. Relationships allow us to gain greater clarity about our traits and triggers (loved ones being tor-mentors, as IFS would put it). Motherhood as a role might not quite count as a relationship, but I’ve come to know myself—my mind and body—through it in ways I hadn’t before. Strengths and vulnerabilities, capacities and growing edges.

My favorite piece of advice to give new mothers (if they ask) is to spend whatever time their child is sleeping on themselves. Shower. Sleep. Write. Whatever. But to lay claim to those hours of separateness. I’m sure this isn’t always possible for everyone, but when an option exists between dishes and personal enjoyment, I vote mothers choose themselves.

My self-investment looked like a lot of sleeping and writing. THE HOUSE WIFE came into being the summer of 2022. Line by line. Nap by nap. Writing, like motherhood, might not technically be a relationship, but it’s another arena in which I get to meet myself, to learn who I am and grow into who I’m becoming.

I’ve done two rounds of querying with THE HOUSE WIFE and am no closer to understanding when a writer knows their book is actually ready to query, but I’m working through a revision for a second agent (the first ultimately passed) and continually learning to release urgency 🐢🐇

#amwriting #mom #momlife #writer #writing

The basic premise of @internalfamilysystems is we all have a core Self and Parts. An “I” of the storm + normalized multiplicity.

Parts fall into two broad categories: protectors and protected. When we’re children, some Parts take on burdens (negative beliefs/emotions) during difficult situations, and then other Parts take on jobs to protect and soothe that vulnerability.

Let’s say a child doesn’t get the level of attention and affection developmentally needed, so a Part takes on the belief “I’m unimportant and unlovable.” Another Part takes on the job of “trying harder” to earn attention. At school teachers praise the child for working hard, which reinforces the protective Part whose job is to earn love/value through effort. But inevitably, life happens (a bad grade, a classroom reprimand) and the vulnerable Part’s pain is brought to the surface, so a soothing Part jumps in to dull the pain by numbing, scrolling, eating etc.

Self on the other hand is a well of presence that resides in all people. When we help Parts step back, Self-energy shines through: curiosity, compassion, courage, playfulness, clarity, presence, connectedness, calm, persistence, patience, creativity, and confidence.

IFS helps people form Self to Part relationships. When in Self, we can witness the experiences of Parts and help them unburden extreme thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and roles, so they can return to their original, valuable states, which restores inner harmony.

I was blown away the first time a therapist guided me through the process of interacting directly with my Parts. With help, most people can feel (through somatic sensation), see (in the mind’s eye), and hear (via thoughts) Parts, which allows for building a Self to Part connection.

Suddenly the procrastinating energy showing up around an important project is no longer a knock against my work ethic or willpower. It’s simply a Part wanting to avoid a scary stimulus in order to protect from falling short. When offered Self-energy, the Part reveals its good intention (they always have one!), its origin story (when it first took on its job), and what it’s afraid would happen if it didn’t do its job (the stakes).

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Elizabeth Droppers

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